‘Tis The Season to Listen
This is the time of year when so much is vying for our attention it can be somewhat difficult to know how to listen. The traditional Christmas Carol asks the question:
Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy
Do you hear what I hear?
Ringing through the sky shepherd boy
Do you hear what I hear?
While sitting around our Advent wreath last week with some friends of ours we contemplated these words from author Henri Nouwen: “The word ‘listening’ in Latin is obedire, and audire means ‘listening with great attention.’ That is where the word ‘obedience’ comes from. The Latin word for not listening, being deaf, is absurd. If you are absolutely not listening, that is where the word ‘absurd’ comes from. So it might be interesting to note that somebody who is not listening is leading an absurd life…”
It would be easy to spend the week before Christmas being absurd.
Listening has nothing to do with our hearing capabilities. I have met many deaf people who can truly listen and know many people with perfectly fine hearing who are quite absurd. The challenge for us, in this season of noise who live in the Age of Information, is to make the intentional choice to listen.
Join me in choosing to spend this week before Christmas truly listening. I wonder what we will hear. Here are just some of the things I have listened to already. I look forward to and anticipate hearing so much more:
- The depth of the lyrics of a Christmas Carol and the skill of those who perform it.
- The well-wishes of acquaintances who look me in the eye, pauses for a brief moment, and say, “Merry Christmas!”
- The loneliness of those who experience another holiday without someone they once held dear; grieving their loss.
- The stories, laughter, and passion of friends who make the choice to live in deep and rich community with me.
- The silence; when all is turned off except the lights of a Christmas tree (and the burning of some candles).
- The bells of the Salvation Army: the committed volunteer who rings in the cold, the tradition of the red kettle, those who administrate the funds, and those who receive the kindness of others.
- The words of Linus (A Charlie Brown Christmas) when he recites Luke 2:1-20, in response to the screaming question of Charlie Brown, “Isn’t there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?”
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I look forward to hearing so much more…as long as I make the choice to listen!
One more thing, I would enjoy hearing from you about what you are listening to…
The Power of “Ask”
Last evening my wife and I spent a couple of hours hanging out at our local coffee shop; sharing our favorite holiday drink, reading, and conversation. A guitar player provided his own renditions of Christmas carols with a classical and personal twist. It wasn’t a surprise he was there. He plays there often and his wife posted on Facebook his schedule. The gift for me was two-fold: listening to his amazing talent (a successful business man who just loves to play the guitar) and the story of how we met twenty-five years ago.
In the mid-80′s I arrived at a very traditional Lutheran church in Southeast Michigan with the charge to “revitalize” – their words, not mine – the congregation. I had served as pastor of a successful, cutting-edge church in Milwaukee, so the opportunity to provide the same modern flair and edge seemed like a “piece of cake.” With youthful exuberance and cockiness I began to introduce a contemporary style to this traditional setting. Come to think of it, I really didn’t introduce it; probably more like forced it.
One of the wholesale changes I made was the way we approached the children’s and youth programs. I suggested we rock the boat at the first Vacation Bible School. The first components we introduced centered around an odd concept at the time: “FUN.” Nothing is worse for a kid to have to endure a summer “school” activity for hours and not have any fun. We intentionally amped the energy, the games, and even the music.
It was clear to me that the last component would hinge in the hands and talent of a shoulder-lengthed-haired teenager. As an introvert he had a good sense of humor. Rumor was he could make a guitar “rock.” I asked if I could come to his house to hear him play. One spring evening his parents welcomed me into their lovely home and after some pleasantries I found myself in a teenage boy’s room lined with posters of his favorites “rockers.” In the corner were his amps and his favorite possession. I expected to hear a kid play five chords on an acoustic guitar. Instead I got a mini-concert; much more than I bargained for…in a good way.
“Andy, how would you like to play guitar for VBS?” I asked. “Really?” he quizzically looked at me, “Sure, I guess so.” This interchange reminded me again of The Power of “ASK.”
That year, Andrew Hively rocked-out at VBS and to the shock of the leaders, we decided to let him rock-out during the Sunday services. Paramedics were on stand-by as this organ-only, highly traditional congregation got their first taste of a guitar during their sacred gathering.
I became a true fan of Andrew that summer and for the past twenty-five years have watched as he served in bands of every size and composition. One can always tell that behind his subtle riffs and amazingly sharp chord progressions is a highly talented musician. When given the opportunity for solos, people marvel.
Last night, at Uptown Coffeehouse, with my wife across the table, and Andrew Hively providing the best guitar music one could imagine I journaled in gratitude. I was grateful for life and the journey. I couldn’t imagine a more comforting setting. As I looked up and saw Andrew, now with teenagers of his own, I was grateful that he said “Yes!” years ago.
I’m so grateful Andrew continues to fully embrace this talent. Give yourself a three-minute gift and listen: Christmas tracks or a song called Forgiveness.
What if…we stepped into the possibilities of just making an “Ask?”
More Thoughts on “Blessing”
I’ve been giving more thought to this whole idea of savoring blessings. Today, I remembered that one of the most significant books in my life had a section on “blessing.” After reading it, I wanted to share with you a slice of this masterpiece. So, in an effort to bless you, here’s…
…more on being blessed by Henri Nouwen:
I am increasingly aware of how much we fearful, anxious, insecure human beings are in need of a blessing. Children need to be blessed by their parents, and parents by their children. We all need each other’s blessing – masters and disciples, rabbis and students, bishops and priests, doctors and patients.
Let me first tell you what I mean by the word “blessing.” In Latin, to bless is benedicere. The word “benediction” that is used in many churches means literally: speaking (dictio) well (bene) or saying good things of someone. That speaks to me. I need to hear good things said of me, and know how much you have the same need.
To give someone a blessing is the most significant affirmation we can offer. It is more than a word of praise or appreciation; it is more than pointing out someone’s talents or good deeds; it is more than putting someone in the light. To give a blessing is to affirm, to say “yes” to a person’s Belovedness. And more than that: to give blessing creates the reality of which it speaks.
from Life of the Beloved
What if…we intentionally looked for ways to truly bless people?
Savor…Don’t Just Drink
Do you take the time to savor your drinks? It’s easy to move into the fast lane of our instant culture.
What would it take for us to slow down and savor?
Starbucks just rolled out their “Christmas” drinks. The first one of the season is an easy choice: Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha (non-fat, no whip). This gift is just one of many of this season’s pleasures. You don’t just drink it, you savor it. Enjoying the texture, taste, and warmth it brings.
I’m sitting in Mud Creek Coffee in Stockbridge, WI, a small, and I mean small little village on the east side of Lake Winnebago. Nestled in a strip mall is one of the coolest, precisely decorated, customer-service oriented, restaurant-coffee shops I’ve been in. (The owner just took a customer behind the counter to teach her how to make an Espresso.) Besides that the Mud Creek Creamy Mint Mocha is awesome. Another gift to enjoy!
What’s the point of savoring?
Life is full of blessings to enjoy. Rather than expect them, I’m learning that these blessings can be more fully enjoyed if I intentionally embrace them. By doing so I acknowledge the gift of the blessings and allow it to more permeate my mind and being.
How do I savor?
It means slowing down the pace of my life, taking the opportunity to notice, and then the most important decision…take it all in! Sometimes it means taking some deep (cleansing) breaths; other times it means looking around. The simple task of looking up and looking around is so helpful. Rather than looking far ahead it allows me to take in the present moment.
Being grateful is another way to savor. Each day is full of the blessings of relationships, food, drink, work, and interactions with new people, insights, and more. I was taught in Sunday school to be grateful for everything. I confess that not only was I not grateful, I didn’t know how. So I’m in the learning process.
I’m thinking of savoring because of what I experienced yesterday as I facilitated my MissionBuilder process with a group of people. In an effort to help people identify their personal mission and uncover their values, I ask them to consider the “self-imposed” obstacles that keep them from fully living out their purpose and values. The picture I used is that of fully drinking from the cup; whether it’s the cup of blessing or the cup of sorrow.
When we fully drink from the cup of blessing we invite all that comes with it to become more fully enmeshed in our life. Rather than quickly moving on, it’s about taking in the word of encouragement, the loving words of wisdom, the fact that someone believes in us, the time spent, et cetera.
Here’s another seemingly “strange” cup from which to drink. I teach that we might consider drinking from the cup of sorrow, pain, or hurt; by doing so we begin the process of accepting it, acknowledging it, and can start moving through it. I don’t like the bitter cup of sorrow. Yet, when I drink from it – I mean, actually drink it – all that it means becomes a part of my life experience. The end result is that I am blessed because of it. It may not seem like it initially, but in the long run it prevents bitterness and puts me on the path to healing.
The next time you get to sip a cup of coffee, no matter where it is, try savoring it…along with a little more of life’s blessings!
Spend More Time Being Interested Than Being Interesting
Aware that some of your most recent conversations with people have been a bit one-sided you entered the break area. At first blush the conversation between two people in the middle of room looked engaging. You positioned yourself within ear shot of your co-workers. Talk was accentuated with bits of laughter. There weren’t the obvious signs of displeasure or uneasiness. From what you could see it was just commonplace sharing. Yet, your ears hear something your eyes don’t detect. It really wasn’t a shared conversation. Rather, it was one dominant overly chatty person monopolizing the air space.
You ask yourself, “Could it be true this happens often with people?”
Not wanting to appear nosy but certainly willing to eavesdrop, you tune in and take two steps closer. Appearing to make your way to the coffee pot you can hear more clearly that this dialog was a choreographed monologue. The sentences were run-ons. One random thought gave over to another. What appeared to be engagement by the listener was really a catatonic state of boredom accentuated with a few nods and smiles. As you take your last sips from your coffee mug you realize it’s been ten minutes since you entered the room.
The minutes progressed and another person was subjected to a relational plight: too many of us spend an excessive amount of time talking.
The problem isn’t just the over talking. The consequence of this behavior is the clear-cut message we are sending, “What I have to say is more interesting than what you have to share!” Oh, we don’t say that but the message is clear. Whether you are in the break area, conference room, coffee shop, or dining room table we may just be giving a message that we don’t want others to receive.
Today’s Blog title is a quote from Jim Collins which he shared in a recent Chick-fil-A Leadercast. It’s a simple and profound truth: spend more time being interested than being interesting. This advice transcends the workplace and can be applied to any relationship.
What do you do if you find yourself running-over-at-the-mouth?
- Be okay with who you are. When we are in a bad place or feeling inadequate or fearful it is a normal reaction to compensate by talking. It is a subconscious reaction to control the emotions we may be feeling and to stave off any embarrassment. The solution is a long-term mindset of humble confidence.
- Approach people with the intent on learning something. This is the foundation of what Collins is suggesting. Rather than seeking to impress or even fill the dead space, the goal is to bring value to the other person. The easiest way to do that is by intentionally wanting to learn…be interested!
- Ask questions. Sounds so simple. Yet, in the moment this task can be a bit daunting. The extroverts may have an edge here but don’t be intimidated. I remember years ago memorizing a series of three questions I could ask. I don’t think I could recall them today but at that time, they were an emotional life-saver for me as I approached people. Parenthetically, I still find myself surprised by how few people ask questions. I leave so many interchanges with not one question being asked of me.
- Listen: you have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Sounds like something I learned in Sunday school; matter of fact, it was. Be interested! If we dare to ask the question, it’s essential to have the courtesy to listen. I also find that the odds of me saying something I will regret lessons when I listen.
- Stop to breath. Whatever you want to control in the moment of the conversation a breadth is cleansing. The two seconds may seem like an eternity but it creates space for something to happen over which you have no control. Oh…come to think of it, that may be an issue in that moment. Ouch!
- As you walk away ask yourself, “I wonder if that person knew I was interested in them as a person and what he or she had to say?” This may sound perfunctory yet if you practice this discipline you will find yourself more aware over time.
What if…we spent more time being interested than being interesting?
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